The End of Another Year...

Well, it's 10:55 pm EST, and I'm here. At home. While I feel like I should be out, committing acts of crime/debauchery, I'm actually not that upset that I'm here. As bad as it sounds, I just got back from a week off from work (note to first timers: always take Christmas off, and a few days before or after New Year's, if you have the time), so my body is not used to the early rising and boring days again. I've been extremely tired lately, not only because I have to readjust again, but because I don't sleep well anyway. Seriously, is it so hard to ask for like 7 hours of quality shut-eye? Most nights, if they're not weekends, involves me laying down and waking up numerous times overnight. I think it's because my bed is a little too small for me now, or it's losing it's comfortability (invented a new word), but ever since college, the quality of sleep I get during the week leaves a lot to be desired. I've tried numerous techniques to help, to no avail. I may have to start drinking before bed, but I know that can only lead me to problems down the road, so I guess I'll just tough it out. But it leads me to be exhausted all day. I get by, I think because my body is used to it at this point, although it's not exactly a good thing. Oh well.

The reason I'm writing is because I want to let all the two readers out there about my 2009 plans. I hesitate to call them "resolutions," because I'd be more inclined to break them, and resolutions are overrated anyway. No one ever carries them out. They just say them to make themselves feel some sense of accomplishment, when in reality, they never plan to follow through on them in the first place. But me? I'm all about changing 2009 for the better. I told myself at the end of 2007 that 2008 would be "my year." I spent last New Year's in a Brooklyn apartment with no indoor heat surrounded by people I didn't know. I ended up sleeping in a camping chair with my coat on, swearing to myself this would never happen again. Well this year could be worse. Granted, I'm warm and around my family, but I still feel like I should be doing something, anything, even if it was sitting in my basement with a few people drinking beers. I'm only 23 (can't believe I'm almost 24...yikes). I feel like I should be out "tearing it up" like a lot of other people my age. But while I did not call/text/IM/strip-a-gram anyone, no one contacted me either. I guess I just expected to be notified of something. So partially my own fault. I probably could have stirred something up, but at this point, whatever.

But I need 2009 to be the year. The year things turn around for me. So here's my three "New Year's Goals" for 2009:

1. Move out. I was all about this awhile ago. Almost did it too. But after weighing my options, I decided against it. Since then, I've bought a (used) car, which set my finances back a bit, but still have something in there. While I really want my independence, it's mainly my commute. While an hour and a half doesn't sound that bad, try doing that everyday for a year and a half. I'm really looking into the Jersey City area right now...not in New York, but close to the city, close to home. And would cut my commute over half. Prices are reasonable; comparable to NY, but you get more space. I think that moving out will help with my other two goals...

2. New job. This and moving out are a tossup, but at the end of the day, I can work here if I had to. Now, don't get me wrong, that place all of a sudden hasn't become the Playboy Mansion and I never want to leave. I had another one of those "why am I here" moments recently; for every good day there's two bad days. I had another run-in with this piece of trash employee. Now this guy has given me a hard time since I started; and for some reason, my boss keeps making me do projects for him. Well, since he's a huge moron and has the IQ of a jar of cherries, he gave me some static about some question someone else asked. He just doesn't get that I'm trying to help him. I really need to tell this asshole off. I'm not worried about getting in trouble anymore. After being there so long, I realized they only fire people if they're 1) chronically late or 2) kill someone...maybe. It's days like that where I could leave in a minute's notice, and not feel the least bit of remorse. It's like a zoo there; I've explained that enough I think in past posts. They try to be professional but it's run like an out-of-control nursery. Get me out of there sometime before the year is over, or I may just jump in front of a train. And I can do arrange for that too.

3. Improve my romantic life. I think if one of the above works out (fuck it, let's be positive and say it will) things with the ladies will pick up. 2008 was kind of an off year; it was like a veteran on a sports team: while certainly not pathetic, it was clear there needs to be a change or upgrade with room for improvement. Whether it was getting numbers and never receiving call backs (that happened about 3 times), messing up somewhere (at least twice), or never getting beyond a first date (once), the ladies were harsh to this guy. I really think it'll be a lot easier to meet people if I'm not still at home. Because nothing says mood-killer like "Hey, want to come back to my parents house? In northern New Jersey?"

I'm going to do everything in my power to make one of these happen. It'll help to make 2009 at least a good year, and not a tolerable one. It's 11:47...13 more minutes left of 2008, and I can't say I'm too disappointed to see it go. Bring on 2009 now. Happy New Year.

Nostalgia

What a crazy night! I'm so wasted! I can't wait to call this girl two days from now (as the rule says)!
...........................so here I am, it's 12am...and I'm typing at my computer on a Saturday night. I did some ironing earlier, so I can't say it's a complete loss, but, yeah, that's what my life has come down to. I rarely call/message anyone to go out anymore, mainly because I know I'll just end up going to someone's house or going to some local bar, having a few drinks and a few laughs, and going home wondering why I ever agreed to go out in the first place. It's kind of a vicious cycle...I want to go out and meet people, have a good time, but I'm always fairly tired on weekends. I usually get a morning workout in, then I'm free the rest of the day, so I really have no excuse. But I think a long work week and a long Friday after work usually takes everything out of me. I usually hang out after work since I'm already in the city, which makes things a lot easier. But even that has its drawbacks. I only stay out a few hours, because I'm really tired after working all day. It's usually a 2o hour day. And even if I am having a good time, I always have to make sure I'm back by 11:30 to catch the last bus home. Granted, I have a lot of friends that live around the city where I could crash, but then I lose most of my Saturday...and that day is almost sacred. I almost get upset when I have something to do that day. I know I'm just making excuses, but that's how it is lately.

I took a real depressing walk down memory lane just now when I looked through my old photos from college. It really hit me that I regret so much about what I didn't do. Sure, I had my fun, but I don't have those "you had to be there" stories. And I feel like that's an essential part of the college experience. So let this be a lesson to anyone entering college: have no regrets when you leave. Or at least keep them at a minimum.

I've been really getting into "The Office" lately. (Just a sidenote, I know it's a spin-off of the British one, and the British one is great, mainly because anything British is supposed to be great, but people really should give the U.S. version a chance. It's damn funny in it's own right.) I just feel like I can relate so much to how they feel. I work in a cubicle but for a rather large scale "corporation" (laughable, at best), but I deal with the same mundane existence. And I really like the whole Jim/Pam (or JAM, as the people seem to have coined them) romantic angle. In my heart, I'm a real sap in terms of romance. I enjoy watching people in love. For God sakes, I watched "First Daughter" with Katie Holmes, a movie maybe 3 people have seen (including my mom) and really got into it. For some reason, I really got into the whole "guy chasing girl and vice versa" thing. And when they waltz to "The Way You Look Tonight"...c'mon, I don't care if you're T2, you're melting at that scene. I guess I'm just jealous. I wish things like that happened to me. I want the "Chasing Amy" makeout in the rain. Or that "Say Anything" moment. I even sometimes daydream about making a movie and something like that happening for me. Sad, I know. And I know, I know, I work in one of the greatest cities in the world, and it must be so easy to meet people...that's a load of crap, really. Even with 3 million people in this city, it's still really difficult to approach people. I guess it's my shyness, or my reluctance to take the first step, but it's easier said than done. I seem to never be able to initiate. I wish they'd make the first move (not likely) or I could skip all the intros and get right into the conversation, and I'm like Vince Vaughn in "Swingers." But for now, I'm just the guy who sits at the bar, drinking his beer, looking around, and going home alone.

And I really try. I go to happy hours pretty frequently. But you can't do much at them. You usually go with friends, and you stay in that social circle the whole night. I did have the one night where I thought I had a chance with a girl, even went on a date. That pretty much died a slow death, though. So I'm back where I started. But even looking back at all those experiences, maybe they weren't all a waste. Sure, not much happened, but they really were learning experiences. So now when something does happen (eventually), I can try to avoid the same mistakes and pitfalls that killed me the last time. I just need the opportunity to execute them.

I promise the rest of the posts won't be this much of a downer. But it's really just how I'm feeling. When I finally get that good piece of news (girls aren't crazy, my office building disappeared overnight), then you'll see me skipping through the streets. But for now, it'll unfortunately be more "Debbie Downer" than anything.

Wakeup Call

Well, it finally happened. I don't know if I was expecting it or not, but I guess all my laziness and disgust with my job has finally come back to bite me in the ass. Lately, I've been drifting, mostly because my boss has been gone for a week, but also because I've stopped caring. I stopped caring a long time ago, and was doing alright. I still got my work done. But over the past few days, it seems like I'm not getting anything accomplished. I've been putting things off and forgetting to do other things...and it all came to a head today. After my stand-in boss asked me if I had taken care of the few outstanding issues that came up, I told him no. Thinking nothing of it, I was about to go back to staring at my computer and reading old e-mails or The Office quotes, he threw a curveball at me and asked if I wanted to "take a walk." Everyone knows this is never good, only if it's a really hot female in a club, and she's drunk. My boss is neither, so I knew I was in trouble. As I walked down the small corridor to a conference room, I thought to myself, "This must be what Death Row feels like," obviously blowing things out of proportion. I knew I'd be getting talked to, I just didn't expect him to say it. He's one of the cooler older guys on the floor; older than me, but still fairly young enough to not take things too seriously. The only problem is, he's a real stickler for details. He'll grill you with 100 questions and you'll have an answer to, oh, maybe 3 of them. But as long as you have some type of answer, it's fine. Today, I had none. He basically took me aside and sat me down. I don't remember all the dialogue exchanged over the course of those 10 minutes or so, but he pretty much summed up how I haven't been getting as much work done as I should be, I've been talking on the phone too much (and others have complained about it) and just generally been slacking off. I have to admit, I am guilty as charged for all of those. I put things off until the end of the day or the next day because that is the beauty of what I do: it can always wait. But perhaps I got a little too complacent. A little too comfortable. I guess if I cared more, it'd show. The problem is, I don't. I really hate this place and most of the people in it. And now it's showing. I really just want to know who else had a problem with me. I think it could have just been a scare tactic to get me to focus more, but who knows. And the phone: one other co-worker, who switched jobs at the beginning of the year, seemingly has nothing to do but call me at least 3 times per day, at about 10 minutes (minimum) per call. Now, granted, I bait him by listening and sharing an occasional laugh, but I really need to go on a "diet" from him, as another co-worker said to me. Just by weening myself off those calls will get me back in my boss's good graces fairly fast. I would try harder, if people and projects didn't give me such a hard time. I have over 10 active projects I'm working on, and none have been easy. The people I deal with on these projects are some of the dumbest, most disrespectful, and rude people I've ever had the displeasure of dealing with. Maybe if they were a little more helpful, I'd be a little more willing to do my job. But combine their overall idiocy with my lack of caring, and you have a bad beat. I didn't even take his sit-down with me personal; he was right, after all. I really took it more as a wakeup call to get out of what I'm doing. This is clearly not for me. And I've been trying for months now to get out, but it's not as simple as you'd think. I have little experience in what I want to do, and that hurts me right there. I could go on and on, but it's like beating a dead horse. I need to get out. And after becoming obsessed with The Office, it really just encompasses everything that's wrong with cubicle life. And Jim, one of my all-time favorite characters now, said it best.

"Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train."

Unbearable...

I know it sounds like I'm beating a dead horse, but the last few weeks have been unbearable at "work." Just the days going by so slowly, the monotony of the work, the idea of never getting out...these things fill my brain all day. I just think back and wonder where a year went. I wake up at some ungodly hour, commute an hour in, push some paper, either workout or play softball after, and come home to eat and sleep. That's been the routine for awhile now. And I gotta tell you, it's getting really old. My friends who also hate it talk about it everyday. I feel like prisoners who sit around and talk about the "outside." Dramatic, but just so true. At this point I've built up some level of seniority; I'm the longest tenured person there of the new hires, and my boss for the most part leaves me alone. But I'm just not there. I see people there, coming in on weekends, acting like what they do matters, miserable, and pray that's not me. I've been applying to job after job, sending in resume after resume, and for what? To receive no callback, no e-mail, no nothing? At some point you just have to wonder if it's them or you. I'd just about take anything else but what I'm doing now. Maybe my life will be like "The Matrix" or "Wanted," where I'm plucked out of this rat-on-a-wheel routine and given some glamorous new job; as the savior of the world or an assassin....a guy can dream, can't he?

Things are looking up a bit, romantically though. I met a girl a few weeks ago who was amazing. Smart, funny, beautiful...just the complete package. Things went well the whole night. I walked away number-less, but still felt I had built the foundation for something. Having no way of contacting her (she had my number, but as women do, likely would never call me), I did some Law and Order style sleuthing. I contacted her friend, who in turn was a friend of a friend, via e-mail to get her information and get on his good side. He gladly obliged, but only gave me her name. While I could have gotten that myself, I appreciated his efforts, and knew I was in good with him, the first step in any possible relationship. So after a series of messages and text messages, we went out last Tuesday. And I gotta say, while I've only been on a handful of "dates" in my life, this was really my first official one. I did the whole gentleman thing; holding the doors, paying, etc. It felt good. And we had such great conversation; never a lull or awkward silence...just a nice back and forth volley. The end of the night ended on kind of an odd note (her sister came to the door to let her in, which ruined any chance of potential lip-on-lip action), but I figured a second date had to be in the cards. But now I'm starting to get worried. After sending an ill-fated, but still not as bad as I think, text message the next day, I called her on Saturday, waiting a few days so as not to seem desperate or suffocating. I haven't heard anything back, and hope it's just either part of the game or she just doesn't have the time. I feel like the whole two-day thing is overrated anyway; I think if you like someone and they like you, you can just be confident and honest from the get-go and things can only go up. She's a double major also, with one of those majors being psychology. She may be able to read through all this anyway and feel like I'm just being immature and write me off. Maybe I'm overanalyzing things (one of my fatal flaws), but how can I not? It's not exactly like my dance card is filled up lately. I just feel like every time I think something good is/will happen for me, it falls through, either by my own doing or something else. It's extremely frustrating and depressing. I wish there was some type of rule book everyone abided by; and there was a process to everything. While in a way there is (the whole two-day waiting thing, for one), I try not to follow it. Because people hate bullshit. I just hope she calls. It might make things at least a little more bearable.

These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things...

It's been forever since I've posted, so what better way to reacquaint myself with the blogging community than with a list of things I hate? I've had so much time to think about this list, so without further ado, here's "Things I Hate," in no particular order:

1. People who over dress. It's not that cold, so why are you wearing a damn scarf and coat? Today was 70 out, and I saw a girl in a full scarf wrapped around her neck like a boa constrictor. It's called weather.com or the news. I know it's not always accurate, but they usually get the degrees right, just not the precipitation involved. Study it. Learn it. Live it.
2. In a similar regard, people who use umbrellas when it's not raining. If it's just a few drops, what's the big deal? Will you melt? Using an umbrella when it's not raining is like not wearing a seatbelt in a car: you can do it, but it just makes you look like a dumbass. Also, I don't need my retina ripped out by those oversized beach tarps which have spikes on the end like barbwire.
   
3. Not moving over to the window seat when getting on a bus. Are you entitled to two seats? Did somehow your monthly pass give you the right to take up two seats? I really hate that people do this, then have to move over anyway when the bus gets packed. I know how great it feels to have no person next to you, but on a 5:00 bus, that's just not going to happen. Why don't you move over in the first place and we won't avoid this unnecessary delay? And don't act like you're inconvenienced when I tell you to move over. Having a window seat is better anyway.
   
4. Fat people sitting next to you on the bus. I don't mind if it's a skinny person or a really good looking woman, but why is it every time I get on, the Nutty Professor always plops right next to me? Then I'm forced to be pushed into the corner (because I always move over) like a damn sardine in a can. For some reason, I'm getting more and more sickened by overweight people. Honestly, this may sound shallow of me, but how hard it is to just not eat that 5th piece of chicken? How can people look at themselves and be happy with what they see? It baffles me. And I know, I'm being insensitive, it could be a variety of reasons, but I still have yet to find one that sways me.
5. Repeating myself. I find that people just don't pay attention. Ever. I have a friend who consistently zones out whenever I talk to him. I find myself saying the same thing twice, in rapid succession, just so I don't have to say it again. Take some concentration pills, and listen, for God sakes.
   
6. Not re-racking weights or cleaning off machines when done with them at the gym. Do you leave your house like this? Do you just open the peanut butter jar and leave it sitting out when you're done with it? This gym is terrible for this. Not only do you have a bunch of muscleheads trying to impress each other, but you have a workout facility that looks like a pig sty. How hard it is to put your dumbbells back onto the rack you found them on? Obviously you can lift them up.
   
7. Cover letters. Why isn't a resume good enough? How about if you like that, you call me and I'll tell you everything I'd write in a cover letter? That is the hardest part of the job application process, and I just never have the time to do it. What do they want me to say?
   
8. Commuting. Sucks, plain and simple. Especially from another state. Why doesn't NJ Transit run later? Because they are bitches, that's why. I can't wait to move out.
   
9. Gas prices. If we're supposed to be in this justified war to get oil for a cheaper price, where is the payoff? I'm still paying like $35 a week for half a tank. While NJ is still the cheapest, almost $4 a gallon isn't exactly getting it for free.
10. Women. I don't get you. You're interested one minute, then something happens and you never talk to me again. And don't even get me started on women who are unavailable but still give off this air of being available and interested. I find this particularly applicable in the workplace. People there just aren't human. More like Terminators. They talk to you, but give you the cold shoulder the next day. Maybe it's the job, I don't know, but I realized you can't pursue people you work with. It just never works out.
    
11. Work. Still sucks, I know. Blink 182 was right. I really feel like I'm getting dumber by being there. Was I really put on this planet to do this mindless crap day in and day out? Punching a clock and then doing it all over again the next day? I really hope not.
12. Idiocy. I seem to encounter this mostly at work. Whether it's people who think what they do somehow matters, to people who clearly only got their job because they couldn't work anywhere else, stupidity seems to run rampant. Since I ceased caring a long time ago, it doesn't affect me as much. But it has made me incredibly jaded, as you can tell.
13. Stalemates. I'm not at the crossroads of my life (I'm way too young for that), but I feel like I'm floating. I know what I want, but I just find it harder to attain. I'm coming up on a year here. A year! I can honestly say I didn't picture myself doing this last year. I know I should be happy I have a job, making money, etc, but really, if it feels like you're losing who you are, your identity, what did you gain? It's tough.
14. Weekends. Don't get me wrong, I live for these days now. They're the only days I can relax. But I find they've just been moving too fast lately. I blink my eyes and it's Sunday night already. Like I always say, "Lather, rinse, repeat."
    

That's about all I can think of now. Hopefully I can keep this up again. But with the way things are, that's a tough call.

A Confederacy of Dunces

As if I have to give another reason why I have to leave my job, here's Reason No. 25: Unprofessional jackasses. I can't sum it up any better. These people are your typical alpha males who feel somehow they are better than everyone else even though they really don't do anything. It's a sad realization that some of these people I deal with on a daily basis would be jobless without where I work. They couldn't work anywhere else. Working here, you're allowed to be incompetent and rude; it's almost seen as a part of the job. I had a run-in with a fellow that fit this description. Clearly a man who should have retired 10 years ago, he'd become curmudgeon and basically a real asshole. He pretty much yelled at my boss for two minutes before realizing how big of an idiot he was. I feel bad for her. As much as she does (even if it's unnecessary and useless), she's still disrespected. Being a woman in this line of work is tough; it really is an old boy's club and nothing will change that. Most of the senior positions are male-dominated, as are the other departments we work with. I just hate the fact that people think they matter in the grand scheme of things around here; they're just glorified paper pushers who are similar to a tenured schoolteacher: they're untouchable, can never be fired, and are just collecting the paycheck until they can retire with a fat pension. I don't want to be that guy who is just working for a solid benefits program. While it's assuring to know I'd have good job security and free healthcare after I retire, but I don't want that to be the driving force in me staying somewhere. I'd rather be at a $40,000 a year job for a year and be happy than a $60k and be miserable.

But enough about that. Let me explain the ineptness of my commute. Recently, the brain surgeons over at NJ Transit decided to create this new bus/train combination terminal near my house. While the commute is virtually the same distance going, coming home my travel time is cut down by almost 10 minutes. Which is fantastic; no one likes to sit in traffic at rush hour, especially on a street with about 100 traffic lights. Anyway, I've been going there for about a month and a half, and it's been fine. Parking is the big issue there now; as the lot consistently fills up and many are shut out. I never have to worry about that, as I get there at the ass-crack of dawn (well really about 5:55am), so there's plenty of spots. And with parking not costing me anything, it's a tolerable evil, as commuting sucks the big one, but what can you do right now when you still live at home.

But recently, those bastards decided they weren't making enough from us on just a ticket alone, so parking fees went into effect a few days ago. While $25 a month won't kill me, it's still really annoying. It's like wearing some ripped jeans and accidently putting your knee through them once you buy them. You can still wear them, but they look a bit ridiculous. That's how I feel with this parking. The only problem is, they only made enough monthly passes for about 10 people, because they sold out in minutes. So I am stuck with the $2 daily pass. Something I have to buy everyday until the end of the month. That's about $40 a month. And they don't mark off the daily spots close to the platform at all; you're about 100 miles away. This morning was the first work day of this new rule, so all I saw was NJ Transit workers trying to direct confused commuters around the lot, like those parking attendants at the beach parking lots. While the monthly parking is right near the front of the entrance, the dailys are consigned to the back of the bus so to speak. Just add it to the list, I guess.

Enough ranting. I'm hoping to throw a birthday party next week, and it'd be awesome if more than 2 people showed up. We'll see who's really my friend if they trek it out there.

The End of the World: Where to begin? Seeing a co-worker at lunch take off his sock and shoes, then the other sock in front of me (I guess we're getting close), someone saying they heard rumors I "get shitfaced at New York Dolls (wherever that is)." The same person, in response to saying that was what he does, replying, "If I pay $100 I want the whole thing." Hearing my boss and this jerkoff argue over a BBQ. Who knew food could cause that much hostility? Oh wait, I can see that.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream...I wish

I've been having issues with sleep. While it's always on my top 10 list of favorite things, lately I've been unable to accomplish said task. I've tried every possible solution: going to bed later, earlier, watching TV, listening to music, reading, making lists, blogging, etc. I still somehow wake up about an hour to a half hour before my alarm goes off. Now, I'm not incredibly tired when I do wake up at this time (I think my body's used to the early wakeups at this point, since I wake up at about 5am everyday), but it's frustrating to have your REM disturbed like this everyday. I think it may be my mattress, but even after adjusting it my adding my old college egg crate comforter to it, didn't do anything. I want one of those Serta Perfect Sleepers (sic, I think) or at least a bigger bed, but alas, the funds are too low for such a purchase. But I'm looking for a potential move out of mid-summer, so I have some time to save up. It's just becoming too much to commute an hour into work, then at least an hour back. And when I want to stay in the city after work, I have to make sure I get back to the bus stop in time before it leaves (NJ Transit has this retarded policy of only running the last bus before 12am. On weekdays OK, but why not run them more often on Fridays and weekends? It would generate more income and help everyone out more). I can always just crash at a friend's apartment, as I have a lot scattered throughout the city and the adjoining boroughs, but I still have to go home the next day. I stayed at a friend's apartment in Queens two weeks ago, and it took me TWO hours to get home! That's just ridiculous. I also want my own space and moving out is the only acceptable alternative. Ideally I'd like to move into the Prospect Park area; good neighborhood, nice outdoors, affordable. I think I need about $7-8k to move out, cover the first and last month's rent, and security deposit. I'm actually almost there.

I've also applied to another job. It's only an internship, but it's with Men's Health, which is my all-time favorite magazine. It's become my bible; I go to it for everything. And to have an opportunity to work for them, is almost a dream come true. I've applied there at least 2 other times, coming close the second time, but still ultimately not getting it. Sure, the obvious factors set in when applying for just an internship: salary, benefits, housing, etc. But I'll worry about that if anything happens. I've learned to go into everything with a very skeptical eye and low expectations; it's a lousy way to live, but at least you'll never be let down. But it would be sweet to get it. It'd be in another state (PA), but that's exactly the change I'm looking for. I've always seen myself as a "city" person, especially after going to school in NY, but now is the time for something new. I don't have anything tying me to here anymore. The place I grew up in basically sucks now. It's the same group of people who do the same thing every night. I've always said that my life somewhat resembles Andrew Largeman in "Garden State" and Will Hunting in "Good Will Hunting." Now, I didn't push my mom down a flight of stairs like Large did, and I'm no math whiz like Will, but I can relate somewhat to how they felt: bored of the "norm" and looking to break out. It only takes one opportunity, one girl, one anything...and the willingness to put yourself out there, and be willing to take the hit for it. And damnit, I think I'm at that stage in my life. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a semi-life crisis or a quarter life crisis, because I am only 22, but I just feel like I'm in a rut. My friends seem to be content with where they are. One, my best friend, especially. He dropped out of college after a trying first year, and never went back. He works and has his own apartment now, but you know he can't be doing that forever. I try to get some of these people to explore new things and try new places, but there so set in their ways they're unable to change. And that's the saddest thing of all.

Meanwhile, at that hellhole I call work, things have been the same: nothing new, nothing better. I've been doing data entry for the past few days until my eyes rolled out of my head and took the midnight train to Georgia. The only thing that keeps me going there is the money of course (as measly as it is, it's enough to get by on) and the friends I've made there. I've met some people who I can see myself continuing to hang out with after I leave (see, I say after not if...gotta stay positive). While I'd feel bad giving my job possibly only two weeks before leaving, I really don't care. Sure, it was my first job, but I have no allegiance there. It's merely a stepping stone to something bigger and better. They'll get over it...it's not like what we do is rocket science (it's "brain surgery"...a classic Simpsons line...check the episode, I think it's one of the Treehouse of Horrors...Mr. Burns is the mad scientist creating a monster out of Homer's brain, only to realize it's Homer's brain and it's as useful as a bag of rocks).

That's about it. Thankfully only two days left before the weekend, which I now live for more than anything, even though I never do anything. Though there's some options for the weekend, so maybe it won't end up with me and a few chums at the local watering hole having a few cold ones and going home...oh wait, that's exactly how it will be. I know it sounds like all I do is bitch, but I'm not completely unhappy. I do have a job, and have been saving a lot of money by moving back home. I guess I'm just satisfied or content right now. But I would like to be happy. Happy about going into work everyday. Happy with my social life. Just happy. And I hope that that comes sooner rather than later.

Sidenote: Maybe I am capable of being somewhat charming. A woman was unsure of where to catch a bus today, and thought it was on the line I was standing on. Unfortunately it was on the other side, behind my line. But she was sure it was this line. Finally she opened the timetables and showed me the section. Even with headphones in, I pointed out to her it said the other line, not this one. I said it in my best cool voice (I'm trying to emulate Wentworth Miller in Prison Break...that show is not only awesome, but he's got the right "look"...yes, I'm straight) and she replied, "You're a doll" and touched my arm. While it was nothing, it still made me feel good. I've struck out so many times with women this year (at least five in a shade under a year) or missed opportunities, I was beginning to lose hope. But moments like that show that maybe kindness can be a turn-on. Sure she was older and I wasn't looking to flirt, but if I can be like that all the time, then I gotta get somewhere, right? Don't answer that.

Classic moment (Shortening the "It's the End" title, it just took too long to write and I didn't know how to properly appreviate it): My boss explaining to a company who's offering a quote on a BBQ we're having to think about "800 hungry men" in coming up with a price. For roughly five minutes, a back and forth dialogue was exchanged between my boss and this vendor about feeding men, and how more than one hot dog would be eaten at a time. "Maybe even 3," my boss added. Cue the Twilight Zone music.