I've been having issues with sleep. While it's always on my top 10 list of favorite things, lately I've been unable to accomplish said task. I've tried every possible solution: going to bed later, earlier, watching TV, listening to music, reading, making lists, blogging, etc. I still somehow wake up about an hour to a half hour before my alarm goes off. Now, I'm not incredibly tired when I do wake up at this time (I think my body's used to the early wakeups at this point, since I wake up at about 5am everyday), but it's frustrating to have your REM disturbed like this everyday. I think it may be my mattress, but even after adjusting it my adding my old college egg crate comforter to it, didn't do anything. I want one of those Serta Perfect Sleepers (sic, I think) or at least a bigger bed, but alas, the funds are too low for such a purchase. But I'm looking for a potential move out of mid-summer, so I have some time to save up. It's just becoming too much to commute an hour into work, then at least an hour back. And when I want to stay in the city after work, I have to make sure I get back to the bus stop in time before it leaves (NJ Transit has this retarded policy of only running the last bus before 12am. On weekdays OK, but why not run them more often on Fridays and weekends? It would generate more income and help everyone out more). I can always just crash at a friend's apartment, as I have a lot scattered throughout the city and the adjoining boroughs, but I still have to go home the next day. I stayed at a friend's apartment in Queens two weeks ago, and it took me TWO hours to get home! That's just ridiculous. I also want my own space and moving out is the only acceptable alternative. Ideally I'd like to move into the Prospect Park area; good neighborhood, nice outdoors, affordable. I think I need about $7-8k to move out, cover the first and last month's rent, and security deposit. I'm actually almost there.
I've also applied to another job. It's only an internship, but it's with Men's Health, which is my all-time favorite magazine. It's become my bible; I go to it for everything. And to have an opportunity to work for them, is almost a dream come true. I've applied there at least 2 other times, coming close the second time, but still ultimately not getting it. Sure, the obvious factors set in when applying for just an internship: salary, benefits, housing, etc. But I'll worry about that if anything happens. I've learned to go into everything with a very skeptical eye and low expectations; it's a lousy way to live, but at least you'll never be let down. But it would be sweet to get it. It'd be in another state (PA), but that's exactly the change I'm looking for. I've always seen myself as a "city" person, especially after going to school in NY, but now is the time for something new. I don't have anything tying me to here anymore. The place I grew up in basically sucks now. It's the same group of people who do the same thing every night. I've always said that my life somewhat resembles Andrew Largeman in "Garden State" and Will Hunting in "Good Will Hunting." Now, I didn't push my mom down a flight of stairs like Large did, and I'm no math whiz like Will, but I can relate somewhat to how they felt: bored of the "norm" and looking to break out. It only takes one opportunity, one girl, one anything...and the willingness to put yourself out there, and be willing to take the hit for it. And damnit, I think I'm at that stage in my life. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a semi-life crisis or a quarter life crisis, because I am only 22, but I just feel like I'm in a rut. My friends seem to be content with where they are. One, my best friend, especially. He dropped out of college after a trying first year, and never went back. He works and has his own apartment now, but you know he can't be doing that forever. I try to get some of these people to explore new things and try new places, but there so set in their ways they're unable to change. And that's the saddest thing of all.
Meanwhile, at that hellhole I call work, things have been the same: nothing new, nothing better. I've been doing data entry for the past few days until my eyes rolled out of my head and took the midnight train to Georgia. The only thing that keeps me going there is the money of course (as measly as it is, it's enough to get by on) and the friends I've made there. I've met some people who I can see myself continuing to hang out with after I leave (see, I say after not if...gotta stay positive). While I'd feel bad giving my job possibly only two weeks before leaving, I really don't care. Sure, it was my first job, but I have no allegiance there. It's merely a stepping stone to something bigger and better. They'll get over it...it's not like what we do is rocket science (it's "brain surgery"...a classic Simpsons line...check the episode, I think it's one of the Treehouse of Horrors...Mr. Burns is the mad scientist creating a monster out of Homer's brain, only to realize it's Homer's brain and it's as useful as a bag of rocks).
That's about it. Thankfully only two days left before the weekend, which I now live for more than anything, even though I never do anything. Though there's some options for the weekend, so maybe it won't end up with me and a few chums at the local watering hole having a few cold ones and going home...oh wait, that's exactly how it will be. I know it sounds like all I do is bitch, but I'm not completely unhappy. I do have a job, and have been saving a lot of money by moving back home. I guess I'm just satisfied or content right now. But I would like to be happy. Happy about going into work everyday. Happy with my social life. Just happy. And I hope that that comes sooner rather than later.
Sidenote: Maybe I am capable of being somewhat charming. A woman was unsure of where to catch a bus today, and thought it was on the line I was standing on. Unfortunately it was on the other side, behind my line. But she was sure it was this line. Finally she opened the timetables and showed me the section. Even with headphones in, I pointed out to her it said the other line, not this one. I said it in my best cool voice (I'm trying to emulate Wentworth Miller in Prison Break...that show is not only awesome, but he's got the right "look"...yes, I'm straight) and she replied, "You're a doll" and touched my arm. While it was nothing, it still made me feel good. I've struck out so many times with women this year (at least five in a shade under a year) or missed opportunities, I was beginning to lose hope. But moments like that show that maybe kindness can be a turn-on. Sure she was older and I wasn't looking to flirt, but if I can be like that all the time, then I gotta get somewhere, right? Don't answer that.
Classic moment (Shortening the "It's the End" title, it just took too long to write and I didn't know how to properly appreviate it): My boss explaining to a company who's offering a quote on a BBQ we're having to think about "800 hungry men" in coming up with a price. For roughly five minutes, a back and forth dialogue was exchanged between my boss and this vendor about feeding men, and how more than one hot dog would be eaten at a time. "Maybe even 3," my boss added. Cue the Twilight Zone music.
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