Nostalgia

What a crazy night! I'm so wasted! I can't wait to call this girl two days from now (as the rule says)!
...........................so here I am, it's 12am...and I'm typing at my computer on a Saturday night. I did some ironing earlier, so I can't say it's a complete loss, but, yeah, that's what my life has come down to. I rarely call/message anyone to go out anymore, mainly because I know I'll just end up going to someone's house or going to some local bar, having a few drinks and a few laughs, and going home wondering why I ever agreed to go out in the first place. It's kind of a vicious cycle...I want to go out and meet people, have a good time, but I'm always fairly tired on weekends. I usually get a morning workout in, then I'm free the rest of the day, so I really have no excuse. But I think a long work week and a long Friday after work usually takes everything out of me. I usually hang out after work since I'm already in the city, which makes things a lot easier. But even that has its drawbacks. I only stay out a few hours, because I'm really tired after working all day. It's usually a 2o hour day. And even if I am having a good time, I always have to make sure I'm back by 11:30 to catch the last bus home. Granted, I have a lot of friends that live around the city where I could crash, but then I lose most of my Saturday...and that day is almost sacred. I almost get upset when I have something to do that day. I know I'm just making excuses, but that's how it is lately.

I took a real depressing walk down memory lane just now when I looked through my old photos from college. It really hit me that I regret so much about what I didn't do. Sure, I had my fun, but I don't have those "you had to be there" stories. And I feel like that's an essential part of the college experience. So let this be a lesson to anyone entering college: have no regrets when you leave. Or at least keep them at a minimum.

I've been really getting into "The Office" lately. (Just a sidenote, I know it's a spin-off of the British one, and the British one is great, mainly because anything British is supposed to be great, but people really should give the U.S. version a chance. It's damn funny in it's own right.) I just feel like I can relate so much to how they feel. I work in a cubicle but for a rather large scale "corporation" (laughable, at best), but I deal with the same mundane existence. And I really like the whole Jim/Pam (or JAM, as the people seem to have coined them) romantic angle. In my heart, I'm a real sap in terms of romance. I enjoy watching people in love. For God sakes, I watched "First Daughter" with Katie Holmes, a movie maybe 3 people have seen (including my mom) and really got into it. For some reason, I really got into the whole "guy chasing girl and vice versa" thing. And when they waltz to "The Way You Look Tonight"...c'mon, I don't care if you're T2, you're melting at that scene. I guess I'm just jealous. I wish things like that happened to me. I want the "Chasing Amy" makeout in the rain. Or that "Say Anything" moment. I even sometimes daydream about making a movie and something like that happening for me. Sad, I know. And I know, I know, I work in one of the greatest cities in the world, and it must be so easy to meet people...that's a load of crap, really. Even with 3 million people in this city, it's still really difficult to approach people. I guess it's my shyness, or my reluctance to take the first step, but it's easier said than done. I seem to never be able to initiate. I wish they'd make the first move (not likely) or I could skip all the intros and get right into the conversation, and I'm like Vince Vaughn in "Swingers." But for now, I'm just the guy who sits at the bar, drinking his beer, looking around, and going home alone.

And I really try. I go to happy hours pretty frequently. But you can't do much at them. You usually go with friends, and you stay in that social circle the whole night. I did have the one night where I thought I had a chance with a girl, even went on a date. That pretty much died a slow death, though. So I'm back where I started. But even looking back at all those experiences, maybe they weren't all a waste. Sure, not much happened, but they really were learning experiences. So now when something does happen (eventually), I can try to avoid the same mistakes and pitfalls that killed me the last time. I just need the opportunity to execute them.

I promise the rest of the posts won't be this much of a downer. But it's really just how I'm feeling. When I finally get that good piece of news (girls aren't crazy, my office building disappeared overnight), then you'll see me skipping through the streets. But for now, it'll unfortunately be more "Debbie Downer" than anything.