I know it sounds like I'm beating a dead horse, but the last few weeks have been unbearable at "work." Just the days going by so slowly, the monotony of the work, the idea of never getting out...these things fill my brain all day. I just think back and wonder where a year went. I wake up at some ungodly hour, commute an hour in, push some paper, either workout or play softball after, and come home to eat and sleep. That's been the routine for awhile now. And I gotta tell you, it's getting really old. My friends who also hate it talk about it everyday. I feel like prisoners who sit around and talk about the "outside." Dramatic, but just so true. At this point I've built up some level of seniority; I'm the longest tenured person there of the new hires, and my boss for the most part leaves me alone. But I'm just not there. I see people there, coming in on weekends, acting like what they do matters, miserable, and pray that's not me. I've been applying to job after job, sending in resume after resume, and for what? To receive no callback, no e-mail, no nothing? At some point you just have to wonder if it's them or you. I'd just about take anything else but what I'm doing now. Maybe my life will be like "The Matrix" or "Wanted," where I'm plucked out of this rat-on-a-wheel routine and given some glamorous new job; as the savior of the world or an assassin....a guy can dream, can't he?
Things are looking up a bit, romantically though. I met a girl a few weeks ago who was amazing. Smart, funny, beautiful...just the complete package. Things went well the whole night. I walked away number-less, but still felt I had built the foundation for something. Having no way of contacting her (she had my number, but as women do, likely would never call me), I did some Law and Order style sleuthing. I contacted her friend, who in turn was a friend of a friend, via e-mail to get her information and get on his good side. He gladly obliged, but only gave me her name. While I could have gotten that myself, I appreciated his efforts, and knew I was in good with him, the first step in any possible relationship. So after a series of messages and text messages, we went out last Tuesday. And I gotta say, while I've only been on a handful of "dates" in my life, this was really my first official one. I did the whole gentleman thing; holding the doors, paying, etc. It felt good. And we had such great conversation; never a lull or awkward silence...just a nice back and forth volley. The end of the night ended on kind of an odd note (her sister came to the door to let her in, which ruined any chance of potential lip-on-lip action), but I figured a second date had to be in the cards. But now I'm starting to get worried. After sending an ill-fated, but still not as bad as I think, text message the next day, I called her on Saturday, waiting a few days so as not to seem desperate or suffocating. I haven't heard anything back, and hope it's just either part of the game or she just doesn't have the time. I feel like the whole two-day thing is overrated anyway; I think if you like someone and they like you, you can just be confident and honest from the get-go and things can only go up. She's a double major also, with one of those majors being psychology. She may be able to read through all this anyway and feel like I'm just being immature and write me off. Maybe I'm overanalyzing things (one of my fatal flaws), but how can I not? It's not exactly like my dance card is filled up lately. I just feel like every time I think something good is/will happen for me, it falls through, either by my own doing or something else. It's extremely frustrating and depressing. I wish there was some type of rule book everyone abided by; and there was a process to everything. While in a way there is (the whole two-day waiting thing, for one), I try not to follow it. Because people hate bullshit. I just hope she calls. It might make things at least a little more bearable.
